She married too to another man, bu she still contact him 2-3 times a month after i married with him.. He asked me to leave the house immediately after he asked for. I am going through the exact situation! We were married only cause a piece of paper said we were. I, too, wish my in-law familys relationship with my husbands ex was less. I am responding to Theresa Channer, My situation is a little different but kinda the same. Nina and Toms sister are very close so I get her being over at their house and attending family events, but it makes me bitter how much they like her. View related questions: Did you try and talk to them? So if it means avoid family so be it, if it means create more space to avoid negativity then so be it as well. What happens when you want to bring a boyfriend to a family event and your ex is there? If you didn't know about the manipulative mom and the messy ex going in, when you saw what was up, why did you keep signing up for it? That you should basically suck it all up that there should be no revision at all regarding your exes or your families behaviour? Please remember that none of these options have to be forever. To this day he now has befriended my last sister that I had connection to and to whom I was the closest. but will drive 2 hours to spend holidays or special events with MY family. As someone who used to be best friends with an ex, your boyfriends lying/downplaying is concerning. Perhaps noone agreed with your opinion because you are in the minority. June 6, 2016 Adapted from an online discussion. So Im right there with the OP and all of you who have similar stories. I went through my divorce alone, all the while thinking how lucky my oldest sister was to have us behind her, emotionally (the most important part) and financially (my parents) in her divorce. OMG! female His family doesnt even call them on their birthday. if you truly care about your sisters kids, you would respect her decision, give as much love and peace to the situation and please stop judging, because You never lived a day in her shoes. Unfortunately the marriage just did not work. He left. etc. He was stingy with money and the kids and I hobbled along as I was a teacher. That Man maybe perfect in your eyes, but you were not married to them. Thats such a mess up way of seeing life, not just you, but other in the comments, your family owns you loyalty, because blood? My sister never comes to see me either so her point is completely invalid about that anyway. One of the perks of getting a divorce is not having to see that exs face any more than absolutely necessary for the sake of the children. I know you're reluctant to pit your boyfriend against his family, and you should be. Those kids have a good situation, especially because you have been strong so far. My attempts to be mistral and teach out are ignored. Your family was not offended by him, you were. 39 Signs Your Boyfriend's Family Doesn't Like You. Maybe they have other reasons as well. Why would my ex family maintain face book friends with my siblings if they do not respect or care about them let alone me? My brother and his two children have been abandoned because my brother supported me. I wish you find some peace, soon. You need to control your reaction. If your family is healthy, they would nudge him along, however, when your siblings embrace him and continue the relationship they are disrespecting you and your choices. My relationship with my parents are much colder than they were, but I at least still talk with them because they only knew about my sister and didnt say anything. It really is just about boundaries and everyone needs to be respectful of each other. I believe that a divorce should be final between a couple, so we can start a new life whether it be remarrying or as a single parent. Needless to say, when having to choose whose family my adult children spend holidays with, its never me. He and his family live in a bubble and he barely visited when they were growing up. I hope you take my comments on board because you seem to be making this all about yourself and showing a distinct preference for your son in law to her and sorry but thats just not normal. I do believe my ex has some kind of all ulterior motive to make my life unhappy since his life is crappy. She even tells him to feel free to spend time with her boys who are the same age as my son who he has never shown any attention to. I mean, It just keeps happening, and I feel like a failure to him. Thanksgiving should he spent with family and not exes. Not only this but you expect your ex husband to completely abandon his emotional connections he forged with your family? I could care less about my abusive ex (we had no kids together, thank God). Guess what when each and everyone of us decied to have children it stopped being about us and became about them. By the sound of some of them I don't think I would want to fit in with that crowd ie getting attacked at a funeral by ex and her friends. But if your done with him just because you either got bored or you actually didnt really like him to begin with? One family member said she thought he was telling the truth, because I never shared details with them and they thought he really loved me. When i got divorced my ex got onto FB(which he had never shown any interest in) and friended my brothers sisters bils sils neices nephews anyone that he could so they could gather round him and support him. I will pray that they either get back together- and soon! My ex maintained his relationships with all of the men in my family. I was thrown out at 18 and thats fine. Your boyfriend's not really doing anything wrong here. Shelter? I can only describe my sister as evil and anyone who doesnt see her for what she is, is naive. Constance. And for whatever reason you chose to move on. Wanting your childrens family to be determined by what you would like is unfair to them and denies them the connection they obviously enjoy having. My ex said he was leaving me. Like a lot of people here, same situation. Did she find someone new, get bored, etc? It ceases when your boyfriend stops showing up at events when his ex is present. I ask my family why they keep my ex family on as friends on face book? My mother and I are not talking over this because I feel totally betrayed by her.. Its ridiculous and so disrespectful. "acceptedAnswer": { Children suffer when parents do not make eventual peace. I talk to friends about it and they all have there thoughts of the matter. That is it. I had to fight off a TPO that later the judge threw out. They talk to me about him like I want to know He didnt get that it wasnt okay to keep hanging out with my family. Creepy! Let go and be happy within yourself.I divorced my wife if 28 years a few years ago. My two teen children cant understand why my sisters husband and my ex still communicate after knowing the hell my ex put us through. My siblings declare they can do what they want and how I feel about it does not matter. My question is does that entitle him to the house? Its up to my husband to say something.so I am waiting this out to see what will be said. Am I wrong for wanting. "If your ex doesnt want you to be friends with his or her family, you should respect that and back off," Masini says. I was mentally and physically unwell with no access to money or transport. As well as one sister who understands but continues a relationship with them. she played the victim. Ill repeat this good people are not abusive! It is so hurtful. Kids are basically traumatised when their parents split up. I also think that he is doing this on purpose because you left him so he wants to take things away from you. The abusive, shit starting, hateful, drama loving ex wife who is determined to make our life hell, the woman who has stolen from us, taken credit cards out in his name (up until 1 yr ago ), jeopardized my career due to false CPS reports, false police reports, put us in debt of over $36,000, was moved back to this state, into my mother in laws house. Follow her on Twitter. Sorry to break it to you sweetheart but you dont get to pick and choose the ones you like. She sees his entire family and not me. Going through the same thing. poor communication and not meeting my needs, for starters. Hes never done that before. Really? When I found out, it hurt as much or more than when I originally found out my wife was having sex with other married men. I got back together with my family for a few years, but it was very strained. They have never given me a chance, never tried to know me. I am not saying much in response to this out of respect for my parents. My Ex was not even a good father, never around and never knew his kids. keep with staying away from or communicating with his family. You are kind of making things more complicated then it needs to be. My Dad, Step Mum and siblings did the same to me. If your partners ex is still in their life, author and relationship and etiquette expert April Masini, If your partner has regular dates with an ex, For instance, if your partner loves travel. Whatever you do dont become negative or complain about things. They denied speaking to my daughter. I have no peace.I feel all alone, Im in the same boat. No one ever asked so I didnt volunteer complaining about how emotionally debilitating living with my husband was. If he were living here, I would not be spending time with them the way I do now, simply because hed be here and wouldnt want to see me. Every divorce is different & this divorce needs separation which hasnt happened. Am I wrong? I raised 3 kids attended events, school meetings etc . It is almost a year and I come up to conclusion where I need to find my life and go away I love this person and I know he loves me back but I think he is not over his ex and he doesnt want to talk about . I think this is disrespectful of my ex for even thinking this is ok and that my nephew believes its ok. I didnt understand, until I was discharged. Stop obsessing over it. In marriage, I had a sense of loyalty, I never went to my family and bad mouthed my spouse and told them all his shortcomings. Then it should be time for them to reflect on who family really is and support you. Perhaps this sense of belonging being taken away reminds you of childhood trauma? Anyway, I feel very good about nicely turning him down. I have had to cut my family off. The longer it's been since they split up, the more likely it is that they truly. I hate to say this, because Im on your side, but you cant make family chose sides. My dad has passed. What my ex gets is justification for her turning a child against a parent, and for making the divorce process a nightmare and then getting free love and attention for her adult daughter from her grandmother.. The problem is not her ex or her family. While they were dating my boyfriend and his ex spent a lot of time with his parents. My familys dynamic was changed forever with my daughters divorce. I'll like to advise you not to jump into conclusions based on number 1. readmore Man its sad seeing comments saying the family is out of line. I thinks its great that you all get along but you guys split for a reason hes moved on and your family should let him! Not one would stand for it if it were them. So the fact that hes depressed that his ex is dating someone else, doesnt really mean that much yet. Please educate yourself about abuse. My love goes to the person I am withoddly enough in my experience it is predominantly women that have a personal issue with this. He shattered her life and the life of his two young children. A lot of what I am reading in these posts sounds like narcissistic behavior on the part of abusers and families. Good luck <3. I am sure it is very painful for the original poster to be watching her family remain too close with her ex. I just wish my family members would not be all about themselves for once and support those who need it the most. Your reply also suggests that a) you have been an abusive person in a relationship and/or b) someone close to you has cut you off due to your behaviour or c) you are stuck in an abusive relationship yourself and wildly defensive against those of us who break free because it makes you feel uncomfortable on a subconscious level. Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor at The Root, a life coach and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life and the upcoming Dont Waste Your Pretty: The Go-to Guide for Making Smarter Decisions in Life & Love. Meanwhile, they dont even speak my boyfriends name, wont look at him at all when I bring him over and when I say things like what if we get married in front of my mother she rolls her eyes. As always you can unsubscribe at any time. That is true for you. Despite how much I loved them and how close I thought we were, ultimately they did not believe me, respect me or offer any support. I to am in the same struggle. He has moved in with her and her family. "For instance, if your partner loves travel, and you don't and won't, and you see him or her enjoying this passion with an ex, you've basically given that ex a tacit invitation to interfere in your relationship," says Masini. Going out to eat, visiting each other and just being toxic. Also how is your nephew supposed to understand this (if there a child) they might assume they did something wrong. My ex went to prison a year after we married for a long time and I stuck with him. Abuse is not love. Really sad, but no choice. My Dads family still does things with her too. I am very close with his mother and the rest of his family and he is also close with mine. Turning a blind eye means theyve taken a side. Most of us actually split from narcissists which is why when we have seen the truth, find it so upsetting our families still believe the lie! My ex has our kids every other weekend. He didnt even see or contact our girls for am entire year. I think after 15+ years, you cant turn off people. And if she out side he looks in his side mirror. My husband left me for his ex wife, This was just 2 years of our marriage. Of course it hurts and you should talk to yout ex aline and tell him amd your family alone and at least tell them how hou feel I mean theyre your family and they should be there for you. I know its really hard. Just my opinion. Once again, I put myself out there to my family hoping they would see him for what he is. Deal with it. Your sister lived the reality. To my mind, we can be civil and cordial, well be attending their kids graduations and weddings, but.shes been invited to Christmas and Im upset for my brothers sake. You need to start reading books on narcissistic behavior, or start googling. I feel like Im going crazy. A slap in the face. Then i am the bad guy. Tell him to go to hell, especially since hes already moved on. We dont hate each other, but I dont like being around him. Im sorry youre dealing with this Kyle. She has no right to control who they see or invite to their homes. I believe that it is enough to be cordial to an ex at important occasions. I totally agree with you and am I right in thinking this Uncle is not even a blood relative of your Nephew? Let him sleep in my brothers house..I dont have the time to go into details its too much. Shes done that several times she never wanted to talk to them when they were married, but all of a sudden wants to forge relationships with them now. You are a strong women. What is X??? And that they had something going on longer than I thought. Why put the hurt in your face? Ive gone through so much heartbreak because my dad and sister chose to invite my ex and his partner to every family event. They spend more time with him than with me as well. The original post has several valid points. It is sickening. my ex has done everything in his power to destroy me MY family STILL invites her to family functions, and 80% of the time she comes. We are supposed to be modeled after the creator so why the hell cant people behave the same way?This is why I dont hang around people that let their emotions rule thinking. After 6 years of being all but disowned, my family started to warm back up to me a little, all the while cherishing him, which put our kids in a weird position. Now another 6 years has gone by. Its not that we cant be at the same place. She swore we would never be rid of her. How would they feel if this child was in a relationship like that? You can work on your feelings and soon they will change. Hes a writer on relationships, love and social psychology. Even my siblings that could see previous toxic dynamics in the other side of the family cannot seem to see when it is happening under their very noses. Communicate that.Your needs matter too. Dislike! Divorce is the unity of a marriage ripped apart. My invitation didnt have a +1. Finally, after many years my sister seems happy and content. We didnt have children either but they still said he was part of the family and they saw me as being over dramatic etc. Be honest w ur family ur kids and urself Just tell them the truth that you are not comfortable around him and must set a new limit for ur own sanity. I was married to him for 11 years, I knew exactly what they were in for. I was to say the least beyond belief as we were only married for 4 years and he had nothing when we marrried. Who needs enemies, when you have family like this? We also may change the frequency you receive our emails from us in order to keep you up to date and give you the best relevant information possible. One of the best indicators that the friendship between your SO and their ex is strictly platonic is simply time. When a guy talks about his ex to you, it sometimes just means that he was clumsy and made a mistake. I dont understand how family can knowingly cause so much hurt. I get that hes been around for a long time and they want to continue being friendly with him. It never gets easier. My children and I where not invited. You will always see him at graduations and weddings for your kids. Soooo a person stays in an abusive relationship however long. Your partner's first wife had an affair that ended their marriage so, however happy she may be now, she must feel some guilt about the suffering that her children endured as a result of that. GoodnessI guess I needed to get this out! But the family members that go along with this maybe unconsciously participating and then you just need to let go. Im still dealing with the bitterness particularly from my mother that she can not let go of. To hate me would mean they would have to care. As a result, staying friends with your ex's friends and family as opposed to defriending them is like pouring salt into an open wound. I have not spoke to them in 5 years. If you recognize some of these signs, and youve only been dating for a few months, then there isnt much cause for concern. And thats how I felt. My mom then went on to tell me that I was supposedly the love of his life and that for the sake of the kids we all need to get together for them. But suppose their relationship ended one year ago. Sounds more like revenge under the guise of what is in the best interest of the children. We both always believed we were meant to be together and he has told me this many times, but the way he treats me blows my mind. I know this post is old, but I completely relate. I dont want a forced relationship with them. I invited my family and my sons father. A few days before Thanksgiving, I text my sister to ask her if he would be there. Which is totally fine. After I talked to my mom who lives in his state, she started asking my uncles and they said they heard from my ex that the divorce was all my fault and I had an affair!!!! The family was made with you likely making a pledge before God and family that the relationship would be till death dopart. Be careful of the mask he wears!! They are toxic and unhealthy in my situation. But now my ex who theyre best friends with and who hates me. Its very unsettling and sad but i have found any attempt to explain myself simply invites more denial/blame. Staying overly connected to ex-inlaws is about control and a lack of closure. They became good friends. He is doing this just to hurt me. Nope, so he asked her. My daughter is now cutting ties with her sister and her brother-in-law because one of them is not cutting ties with him and he had been asked before not to communicate with him. Setting healthy limits is critical and you can teach this lesson to ur kids. Well it boils down to your family being dysfunctional in the first place. I try really hard to do whats best for my kids. All of my family knew how abruptly he asked for adivorce. The person we thought we knew as our son-in-law changed into an alcoholic, lying, manipulative, and narcissistic creep. I guess it depends how much you love her and how complicated you want your life to potentially be. Even if he never hurt you, its blurred boundaries, in my opinion. Dont let this work for then. Some exes alienate their families as a form of punishment against the person who left them. Created a new life with friends. If you were to force your boyfriend to stop seeing his ex you'd basically be telling him he can't have those feelings for his friend. I dont talk to my sister anymore because of this (shes done worse). Especially know Dad is remarried. She also said them trying to make me feel crazy for what they are doing makes them even more toxic. BOGUS. He sends her a daily message (one type of contact) to ask how the children are doing (why). Most people are not saying you shouldnt let the children see the other side of the family at all. That is stating look at me Im a victim. I am in the same boat kind of.. I do feel we have an innate need to be backed up by our biological family but I agree that the needs of the children are paramount. Its been 20 years since my divorce, no kids and I recently found out my sister is sleeping with my ex for nothing more than his money. This is a bad sign for your romantic relationship because the seeds for romance are being sown in these late-night calls with someone your ex has been in love with before. For years Ive only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it. The best thing for your children is to see 2 loving parents despite circumstances. So, it can be hard to deal with them being unwelcoming, rude, and intentionally distant. We got a postcard after the wedding. She knows how it makes my boyfriend feel. He said he ordered for and will wake me for it. They lie to me about where my ex is when he has my son bc he thinks its fun to alienate me and not tell me where he is with our 2 yr old or who he has him around and his family will lie to me in a heartbeat even when im pleading with them to tell me bx the ex wont answer any of my calls or texts when Im trying to call to tell my baby goodnight. I know you posted this a year ago. He needs to get his own life and move on and get off your turf ! I know its difficult but you are the much better person. In this case, it was my older sister who turned out to be the master manipulator. Your family should be spending time with YOU, not your ex snd his girlfriend. Family loyalty was never a strong point in my case, so this situation was the final straw and I had to make the difficult decision to just walk away. She. Wed never choose my ex SIL over my brother in a Love competition, but it seems my family isnt seeing clearly how much this hurts my brother. My exs family has continued to invite me to family functions stating they think I am a good person and remain part of the family. But at the same time, would you rather had your kids have a father who would do everything possible to make your lives miserable? LOL, I feel for you. I do not believe that God would want anyone to stay in a toxic relationship i actually credit God for helping me to get out of it because it literally took a miracle. I wish I knew how to help you, because I feel what youre going through. It also makes it hard when you try to move on a introduce a new partner They need to honor your feelings. (we still do not talk unless arrangements about kids). I can relate with many of you. Personally I think there is a balance. "@type": "FAQPage", The OP is now left alone and cant raise issues as they will be seen to be the difficult one, thekne causing issues, which further then paints the ex as this amazing person. Everybody in my family tell me Im being childish and should move on and accept that he will be part of family gatherings. You cant make people comply your wishes. Before you assume the worst: if he still talks to his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife, thats not necessarily bad. My full brother went but after that my Dad never bothered with him again and has no interest in his grandchildren. Your family is out of line. His family NEVER once reached out to me and when we were getting a divorce I was a stay at home mom with two little kids with one of them being severely handicapped. The only person I shared his dirty deeds with was my Sistersbut never smeared his charactor throughout the family. In the meantime, I raised two kids without much support from my ex and virtually none (emotionally) from my siblings. Its crazy. The way you speak about your daughter is disrespectful. She told me not to worry about her having a similar problem before and introduce me to a man named Dr. IYAYA, who cast a spell on her ex boyfriend and brought it back to her after 3 days. i was with a man he was only married four years has been divorced 12 when i met him i lived with him for two years he hide all his contact with ex wife from me lie right to my face that he does not talk to her or text it was only her texting and calling him but he would talk to her when i was not home or when he was on the train coming home from work i would ask him nicely and he would tell me she only textes me about his kids she lived out of state his kids are young adults now he still thinks they are babys i quess but i have never heard a man to have such a close relationship with a ex who left him he would go on family vacation share a hotel room when i was with him weird he would stay at her house when he would go to see his kids and the real thing that i did not think about this man had no relationship since his divorce to me i think him and his ex still treat each other as husband and wife im sure they sleeped together when he went to her house we went out for sereral years after high school so i quess he used me and only loved his ex wife he gives her anything she wants money and he has alot of money i think he is only seperated from her i brought up marriage he did not want to marry me his ex wife is secretly on his benifits everything else and he would tell his friends i was his soulmate and before i left him he would tell me he has to get away from her to me this man is to broken to fix its one thing to be friendly to a ex but i think he was little too much its been a year now im still a little hurt that someone can make the whole relationship all lies. 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A chance, never around and never knew his kids he my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family be till dopart! Or her family a TPO that later the judge threw out a different! Begin with dont understand how family can knowingly cause so much hurt ex is there is naive ex ( had.
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